


In a moment my worlds overthrown (cos I know you want to be so unholy with me)

by Lavelle16



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Friends With Benefits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:34:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24614608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavelle16/pseuds/Lavelle16
Summary: It starts, as most bad decisions do, with alcohol and high emotions.
Relationships: Leah Williamson/Jordan Nobbs
Comments: 3
Kudos: 119





	In a moment my worlds overthrown (cos I know you want to be so unholy with me)

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly my worst work yet but it is Leah and Jord which is a rare fic work so I figured I’d post it anyway :)
> 
> Title from Unholy by Hollie Col

It starts as most bad decisions do, with alcohol and high emotions. They’d just won the Conti Cup final against Chelsea and were currently in a random bar celebrating their victory. 

Jordan was sipping on her beer beside Kim as they looked out over the rest of their teammates who were in various drunken states. Lisa and Jill were doing some weird choreographed dance on the middle of the floor while Viv bopped more carefully beside them. Beth and Daan had long ago disappeared by themselves, Caitlin and Lia were sitting together in a booth beside them and Leah and Mitch had gone to get another round of drinks. 

Jordans eyes trailed past everyone else as she watched Mitch try to convince Leah that she could carry the full tray by herself. The likelihood that her glass would be half empty when it finally arrived was high but it didn’t really seem to bother her as she found herself smiling softly as she watched Leah walk carefully beside Mitch with her hands out ready to catch anything that would fall.

“We won today”

Jordan tore her eyes away from the soon to be disastrous scene in front of her to see Kim looking at her with a small smile.

“Yeah we did, I remember” she laughed “My memory’s not that bad”

Kim rolled her eyes fondly at her “I’m just saying, today seems like the kind of day where you can do anything. Take a chance Jordan, while you still can”

Jordan opened her mouth to ask if Kim had snuck an extra few drinks while she wasn’t looking but was interrupted by a warm weight falling onto her shoulder. Leah and Mitch had somehow made it over with all their drinks intact and Leah had pushed into the booth beside her. 

“Hey, I missed ya”

“You were only gone over to the bar” Jordan grinned down at the defender who was leaning completely against her side.

“I know but it took ages because the bartender was ignoring us” Leah sighed “Mitch called him an idiot when she was trying to get him so he served everyone else first”

“In my defence,”Mitch piped up “he was being an idiot.”

“Really?” Kim asked wryly “What did he do?”

“Asked me if I was Welsh! Welsh for God’s sake!” Mitch said outraged.

Jordan burst out laughing while Kim rolled her eyes, less fondly than she had earlier.

“Jord” Leah poked her in the side to get her attention again “I’m tired and my trousers are cold”

“That’s because you spilt your drink on them earlier love” Jordan explained quietly “How about we head home then, get you into bed?”

Leah nodded as she straightened up slightly and slid slowly out of the booth.

“We’re going to head back to the hotel I think. We’ll see you later”

Mitch just nodded at them more focused on her drink but Kim looked at Jordan with an eyebrow raised. “Remember what I said Jordan” she called out 

Leah was tugging on Jordan’s hand so she was too distracted to try and figure out what chance the captain wanted her to take. She just nodded at her and turned to lead Leah through the club and out into the street.

Leah stumbled as they left the club so Jordan wrapped her arm around her waist to steady her slightly as she pulled out her phone to call a taxi. 

“I love you so much Jord” Leah slurred, her head resting against Jordans. Their height difference meant Leah was almost toppling Jordan over as she leant all her body weight against her.

“Yeah I love you too Lee” Jordan replied as she lead them over to a bench to sit on while they waited for their car. 

“I really, really do though” Leah explained as she reached for Jordans hand and traced patterns on it with such gentleness it was hard to believe she had been drinking at all.

“You’re never normally this nice to me. I like drunk you” Jordan joked

“Do you like sober me as well?”

Leah's question came out softly, so open and vulnerable that Jordan looked down in surprise at the change in tone. 

“Of course I do Leah. I like you all the time. Is everything ok?”

Leah didn’t respond and their car pulled up before Jordan could ask anything more. She pulled Leah up carefully and helped her into the car before climbing in after her. Leah didn’t say anything the whole way back to the hotel but she never let go of Jordan's hand, holding it carefully in her right hand on the seat between them. 

Trying to get Leah into the elevator and up to the floor where their room was turned out to be a more difficult job than Jordan had anticipated so she didn’t have much time to dwell on Leah’s unusually quiet behaviour on the way home.

Jordan rooted through her pockets until she pulled out her keycard and unlocked the door, leading Leah in after her. She dropped Leah’s purse and keycard on the table beside the door, letting go of her as she did. When she turned around again, Leah was right in front of her. Instinctively she stumbled back, falling against the door as she did.

“You frightened me there” she laughed but her smile wore off when Leah just kept looking at her seriously. Something flickered in her eyes but it disappeared as she stepped closer, replaced with rapidly darkening pupils. 

“Jordan” she murmured, now so close that Jordan could almost feel the words against her lips.

“Leah” the midfielder whispered “what are you doing?”

“What I’ve been wanting to do for a long time”

Before she could reply, Leah closed the gap between them swallowing up any of the words she wanted to say. 

The kiss was slow and steady, Leah's hands framing her face as Jordans fell to Leah's wasit, pulling her closer. Leah tasted sweet but there was a bitter taste of alcohol still on her tongue, a taste that reminded Jordan of the state Leah was in.

“Leah wait” she pushed her off her as she tried to catch her breath and settle her thoughts “You’re drunk. We shouldn’t do this”

“I’ve sobered up Jordan, I swear. Don’t pretend it isn’t what we both want”

“You’re drunk” she repeated “I’m not going to take advantage of you”

“You’re not” Leah stepped closer again, sliding her hand behind Jordan’s neck, scratching lightly at the baby hairs there “I want this” Leah was so close, Jordan felt her words more than she heard them and she felt her resolve fading slowly. 

“I want you” 

Jordan couldn’t fight herself anymore. She leant forward capturing Leahs between her own, letting her lead her blindly towards her bed. Leah turned them and Jordan’s legs hit the back of the bed abruptly as she let Leah push her down and climb on top of her. 

She knows this isn’t the right way way to do things, knows it’s going to change their friendship but when Leah leant down and her lips fell to her neck, all of Jordans rational thinking disappeared. 

********

The first thing Jordan registers when she wakes up is how cold the right side of her body is. When she turns her head to the left to find out why she was so warm, her head brushed against someones hair. Not just someone’s.

Leah’s. 

Any sleepiness she felt after waking up disappeared instantly as the memories of last night came flooding back to her. 

How could she have been so stupid last night? Leah was drunk and she took advantage of that. Panic took over as Jordan tried to slip away from Leah’s grip without waking her up. Thankfully she was such a deep sleeper that it was relatively easy to get out of the bed and get dressed quickly before her sleeping teammate even stirred. Jordan took one last look back at Leah who was still lying there peacefully, the sun casting a light glow on her and Jordan eyes traced over her face, her nose and the faint freckles that dusted along them, her slightly open lips which just reminded Jordan of what she’d done last night.  
She shook her head and picked up her keycard and phone from the beside table as she escaped out the door and away from the disaster waiting to happen. 

******

The only people in the hotel lobby were Caitlin and Lia talking together as they walked towards the door. 

“Hey Jordan” Lia smiled when they walked closer 

“Hi” she tried to smile back but it was more of a grimace than anything. 

“You’re up early. After you left last night with Leah, we thought we wouldn’t see you till the bus was leaving” Caitlin grinned. 

Lia elbowed her sharply when Jordan looked up panicked. 

“What? Why did you think that?” 

“She only meant that Leah likes to sleep in Jord” Lia reassured her “We’re going to get coffee, want to come with?” 

Jordan thought of the sleeping girl lying in her bed upstairs and the room she’s have to return to sooner or later. 

“Yeah that’s be great” 

******

The coffee shop was full when the got there and Lia and Jordan went to get a table while Caitlin ordered. 

She could see Lia watching her out of the corner of her eye but she ignored her. Jordan didn’t really want to have any serious conversation right now. Caitlin’s teasing words echoed in her head as she sat there messing with the sugar packets in front of her. How did they know what happened last night? Or was Lia being honest and she was too paranoid right now? 

Caitlin arrived at the table eventually, interrupting Lia’s staring and Jordan’s thoughts.  
She reached for her coffee, taking quick sips of the hot drink in order to avoid having to say anything to the girls in front of her. They seemed to pick up on her quiet mood and talked instead amongst themselves. 

When Jordan glanced up at them a few minutes later, she found her gaze stuck on the scene in front of her. Caitlin had her arm around the back of Lia’s chair while Lia was leaning in slightly to her chest. Caitlin said something to her and Lia giggled softly while Caitlin looked on with blanant love eyes. Jordan felt her heart squeeze as she watched them. 

God how she wanted that. 

Instead she had slept with one of her best friends and then ran out of the room the next morning like she was a scared twenty year old. 

“You ready to go?” 

Lia was standing up with her bag while Caitlin had started walking over to the door. That soft smile of reassurance that Jordan was beginning to hate had returned on Lia’s face.

“Yeah, of course”

She stood up and followed them back into the street and back to the hotel, walking a few feet away from them as if their romantic behaviour was contagious, still stuck in her own thoughts. 

When they got back to the hotel they only had less than an hour before the bus was leaving so Jordan decided she had to face the music and get her bags in order before the bus left.  
She stopped outside her room, looking at door handle as if it would burn her. She shook her head at her own dramatics and swiped the keycard to open the door and pushed it open before she lost her confidence. 

The room was empty when she looked around it and Leah’s bags weren’t at the bottom of her bed anymore. The sheets on her bed had been stripped and since Leah’s bed was untouched, she knew it wasn’t the cleaner. 

Knowing that Leah had taken the time to strip the bed made Jordan stop. Leah couldn’t even look at the unmade bed when she woke up. Did that mean she regretted it? Was it a mistake? 

Jordan knew there was only one person that could answer her questions but even thinking about talking to Leah about this made her head hurt so she turned back to her bags and focused on getting out of that room as quickly as she could. 

Lisa and Viv were walking down the hall when Jordan left her room, talking quietly together. They weren’t holding hands but with every step their hands would brush together and Viv would send Lisa a small soft smile that usually made Jordan grin because she did love how happy they were with each other. Today though she rolled her eyes while she set off towards the elevator with only a small nod in their direction. 

No-one said anything as they filed into the elevator but Jordan could see the subtle worried looks Viv was sending her and Lisa’s more obvious ones. 

“Was your knee still bothering you last night Jord?” Lisa finally broke the silence “I saw you leave early”

Jordan had gone into a dangerous tackle with Ramona Bachmann last night and had stayed down still careful of herself after her ACL injury last year but the pain hadn’t annoyed her since, in fact it was the last thing on her mind right then but she accepted the excuse.

“Yeah” she nodded “Just didn’t feel up to clubbing. It’s fine now though”

Lisa and Viv exchanged another glance but the elevator chimed before any of them could say anything and Jordan strode through the open doors eager to get away from anymore questions. 

Most of the team was hanging around the lobby and Jordan made her way over to Jill who was sprawled out on the couch with sunglasses on and a hand over her face. 

Jill didn’t say anything as she sat down and Jordan was thankful for meeting the first person today who asked her unwanted questions or send her knowing glances. How could they know anything about what happened when she couldn’t figure it out herself?

As much as she didn’t want to, she couldn’t help but notice that Leah still wasn’t there. In fact it was only when the were settling down on the bus that she finally turned up. Jordan was sitting in her normal seat, looking out the window when Leah boarded the bus. She only turned around because she heard everyone's teasing shouts at how long she had made them wait. It was more like white noise to her though as she watched Leah walk closer and closer to their seat. Would she walk right past? Would she ignore Jordan because she knew it was a mistake?

She found herself holding her breath when Leah finally got to the seat. Leah looked at her with an indecipherable look on her face for what felt like hours. Finally she smiled softly at Jordan before sliding into the seat beside her. Jordan smiled back, unsure of what it meant but grateful Leah didn’t seem to be avoiding her. 

She placed one of her airpods on the table in front of her as some sort of peace offering and then turned away to look back out the window, ready to sleep for the journey home. 

The last thing she saw before she closed her eyes was Leah reaching out to pick up the airpod.

*********

It had been two months one week and six days since the Conti Cup Final. Jordan hadn’t meant to keep count but it was hard not to when she still woke up some days with the memory of how Leah’s lips tasted against her own and when some days in training Leah would lift her top and all Jordan could think about was the faded marks she had left there. 

It had been two months one week and six days and they still hadn’t talked. 

It had seemed like nothing had changed. They still went to team bonding nights and ganged up on Jill to make fun of her. They still partnered up together in training and their on field chemistry had only grown stronger but still, it was different. 

They didn’t hang out alone together anymore. Jordan had told herself it was because they were busy training for the FA final and with Leah’s studies and Jordan trying to get her coaching badges there just wasn’t time for them to hang out. There was a voice in the back of her head that pointed out that those had already been factors in their friendship but she tried to ignore it. 

The FA final was tomorrow and if she wasn’t concentrated then they would lose and she refused to mess with her soccer career because of a girl.

Even if it was a beautiful, amazing girl that she had liked for the past four years. 

Even if it was Leah. 

********

The day of the FA final came with clear skies and a beautiful sun. Jordan felt ready. Calm in a way that she had never felt before. She smiled at Leah when she sat beside her and was grateful to find that it was a sincere one. 

When they got back in the changing room after the warm up and got their jerseys, Jordan slipped hers over her head and lined up to walk out onto the pitch. She looks at Daans jersey in front of her as she walks out onto the Wembley pitch, the sound of the crowd echoing around them and she feels settled. She feels ready.

Just before she kicks the ball and starts the game, she looks up and finds Leah. They lock eyes and Leah sends her one small reassuring nod. 

That’s the image that stays steady in her mind for the next 90 minutes,

********

For once the locker room is quiet. There’s no stupid ill timed joke by Jill. Lisa isn’t running around with a camera and Beth isn’t signing some Disney song at the top of her lungs and out of key. Instead it’s quiet.

Chelsea had gone two- one up in the 80th minute and there was no way of getting through their defence for an equalizer.

Jordan hadn’t said a word for the last half an hour. She shook hands on auto pilot and headed straight for the dressing room, ignoring everyone else around her. She thought of how calm and confident she felt that morning and almost laughed at the irony. 

“Jordan?”

She looked up to see Leah standing there with tear stains on her cheeks. She didn’t say anything and Leah didn’t push her to. Instead she just held out a hand for Jordan to take.

“Everyone’s on the bus. Let’s go”

She slipped her hand into Leah’s and let her lead her out of the stadium and onto the bus. Leah didn’t let go of her hand the whole way home.

********

“Can you come back to mine? I don’t want to be alone right now” 

It’s the first words Jordan’s said in over an hour. Her voice is hoarse from not using it. Leah raises an eyebrow at her request but eventually she nods and picks out their bags from the bus compartment.

“Yeah. Of course”

The car ride home is silent. Jordan spends most of her time looking out the window and Leahs spends hers glancing over at her in concern. Jordan knows she should be strong. Leah’s younger and she hasn’t been through as many of these defeats as she has but all the emotions that she hasn’t let herself feel for the past two months have been unleashed and it’s all just too much for her to deal with right now. 

They reach Jordan’s apartment block after what feels like seconds and she only unclicks her seatbelt after Leah’s already half up the path to the door. She looks around to see where Jordan is and waits patiently until Jordan’s caught up with her, letting her lead them both up three flights of stairs until they finally reach Jordans apartment. 

They still haven’t spoken as they sit down on the couch, side by side but with a gap between them. Usually there wouldn’t be one but over the past few weeks it’s grown. It’s that small thing that sets Jordan off as she silently sobs, tears rushing down her face.

Leah carefully places her hands on Jordan’s cheeks and uses her thumbs to wipe away the tears as they come.

“It’s going to be alright Jord. I’m here”

She pulls Jordan closer and lets her head fall to her shoulder. Jordan’s tears are darkening her t-shirt but she doesn’t seem to mind as she gently strokes Jordans hair and whispers words of reassurance that Jordan doesn’t hear.

When Jordan pulls back again, she realizes how close they are. Leah’s face is only inches away from her and she can feel Leah’s breathing against her own lips. 

This kiss was completely different from last time. It’s clumsy and frenzied, the tears from Jordan made it salty and so unlike the sweet taste of Leah's lips last time. 

“Wait Jord” Leah panted, pushing her back “We shouldn’t do this right now”

“Please Leah” Jordans voice cracked as she begged “Just let me have this for tonight”

Leah looked like she wanted to say something but Jordan leaned in again, swallowing up any protests she could make. 

Just like last time Jordan knew this was a bad idea. Not the right time, not the right way but pushing Leah down against the couch and pulling her t-shirt off felt right in so many more ways. 

********

When Jordan wakes up the next morning, her eyes are sore from crying and her bed is empty.

The only remaining clues that Leah was even there is the smell of her shampoo on Jordan’s pillow and the purple mark she left on her stomach.

********

Just like last time they don’t talk about it.

There’s a small nod of acknowledgement at each other at the next training and just like that they come to an understanding. No-one else mentions anything and Jordan’s proud of them for staying professional. 

She hates the term professional but she can’t think of another word for it. 

She knows now for definite now that it meant nothing to Leah. The first time she was just drunk and horny and the second she was just being there for Jordan when she needed her. She kind of figures their friendship will never get back to what it was before. Maybe there’ll be a few more months of awkward conversations and then they’ll go back to being regular acquaintances. It’s a harsh thought but she knows it’s her own fault.

That’s why she’s caught off guard when Leah talks to her the next week.

She’s taking off her boots after training, arguing with Dan about the best cake topping when Leah walks over. 

She’s nervous, Jordan notices straight away. You wouldn’t think it if you didn’t know her because she’s talking to Dan, cracking jokes and appearing normal but Jordan sees the way she taps her fingers against her thigh insistently. It comes off as a casual movement but Jordan’s been around Leah when she preps for exams way too much to think of it as anything other than one of her nervous habits. 

She doesn’t say anything about it, instead joins in on the girls conversation easily enough and waits for Dan to go so she can figure out what’s going on. Eventually she does leave and Leah slips into her vacated seat on the bench, her finger tapping continuing.

“Hey” Jordan greets but she doesn’t say anything more, letting Leah take her time to say what she wants.

“Hey” Leah nods back

There’s a silence and then Leah cracks.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to come over for a movie night tomorrow” she shrugs but her eyes can’t stay steady on one spot for more than a few seconds and Jordan knows it’s not a casual invite “We haven’t hung out in ages. I just thought it would be... fun”

They almost never have movie nights since they can’t agree on a genre to watch and when they do they’re never fun so what is Leah at? And why is she so nervous to ask? 

Oh

That kind of fun.

“Sure” Jordan reptiles, her voice only slightly shaky “Sounds… fun”

Leah just nods quickly and makes her way back to her own seat without another word. Jordan sits in the same place for another few minutes wondering if she’s just agreed to one of the biggest mistakes of her life.

********

The atmosphere is tense when Jordan turns up to Leah’s apartment that night. She watches Leah’s hand shake as she turns on some horror film that Jordan would normally hate and decides not to comment. After fifteen minutes, Leah excuses herself to go make some more popcorn despite the fact that the bowl between them in only half eaten.

After a brief conversation with herself, Jordan follows her into the kitchen. She walks forward until she’s right behind Leah, placing her hands on either side of the countertop and holding her in place. She leans forward to press a light kiss to her shoulder and Leah’s head falls to the side, giving Jordan more access to place kisses up and down her neck.

“Why don’t we stop pretending that you just asked me here to watch a movie?”

She doesn’t know where this sudden bravery came from but she’s grateful for it all the same.

“You saw through that invite, huh?” Leah turns around between her arms and wraps her arms around her neck, a sly smile playing at her lips, her nervousness disappearing.

Jordan doesn’t answer instead she leans forward and presses her lips to Leahs for the third time. Leah responds immediately, pressing closer to her and deepening the kiss. Jordan pushes her onto the counter and settles between her legs, moving her attention to raking her teeth along Leah's jaw.

“If we do this we should have rules” Leah gasps out above her.

“Which are?” she asks breathlessly before trailing a line of kisses down her neck and across her collarbone.

“No staying over in the morning”

Jordan hums her response as she concentrates on her very important path.

“No visible hickies. You know what the team’s like”

“Oops” she pulls back from Leah for a second to admire her work “Ok, that rules is enforced from now on”

Leah rolls her eyes but it’s more fond than anything else.

“Are we done talking now?” she asks hopefully

“Last one. If either of us want to stop this, for whatever reason, we do. No questions asked”

“Alright” Jordan nods and then she lifts Leah off the counter and starts walking blindly towards her bedroom. “Now, if you have no objections….” 

********

Things are surprisingly not awkward. 

Since their agreement, it’s much easier to know where they stand and Jordan doesn’t feel awkward around Leah anymore. 

Next season seems like a fresh start and Jordan feels ready for it. She’s relaxed in a way she hasn’t been since before her injury and even though it’s a while away, winning the Conti Cup twice in a row seems feasible.

Her good mood might have something to do with the blonde that frequents her bed most weeks but Jordan doesn’t dwell on that. 

Things are going good and despite her initial doubts, it seems like she can have a friendship with someone she sleeps with regularly. 

They never discuss exactly what they’re doing, what they are so it does make sense that they’re not an exclusive thing but Jordan never spend much time thinking about it.

Seems she doesn’t think about a lot of things anymore.

********

Leah’s going on a date.

The sentence doesn’t hurt any less the more she says it but Jordan can’t stop repeating it in her head. 

Leah didn’t even tell her. She, along with the rest of the team found out when Beth yelled it out excitedly in the changing room after a light pre-season training. Currently most of the team are yelling questions at her from all around the room and Leah’s trying to find someone else to throw attention on, her cheeks red and her eyes ignoring the section of the bench where Jordan sits.

It’s not a big deal. She shouldn’t care this much but she can’t stop the wave of pain that hits her again and again. Since this whole thing had started, she hadn’t even thought about going on a date. She wasn’t looking for a relationship and she had Leah to turn to when she needed so why wasn’t Jordan good enough for Leah?

“Hey” Dan knocks at her knee and nods towards the door “I’m starving, you want to go get something to eat?”

For once Jordan wasn’t hungry but she couldn’t stay in the changing room any longer so she nodded and followed Dan wordlessly out the door.

She doesn’t look back and she doesn’t see the way Leah’s eyes follow her out the door, a frown clear on her face.

********

The date goes nowhere. Or at least that’s what Dan tells her while they’re in Lia and Caitlin’s kitchen, rooting through the fridge for something to eat before they sit down to a quiz night organized by the couple as their turn to host the monthly team bonding night.

She could’ve asked Leah but most of their interactions these days don’t involve talking. Or at least talking about anything substantial. 

Jordan tries to seem unaffected by the news, shrugging her shoulders and leaning forward to grab a strawberry yoghurt but she can feel Dan’s eyes on her as she moves around in search of a spoon.

“She’s scared too” 

Jordan finally straightens up and opens her mouth to ask Dan what the hell she’s talking about but Katie crashes through the door followed by Jill and there’s no time before Kim’s ordering them all into the living room so they can start the quiz and hopefully calm down. Jordan follows her through the doorway and sits down beside Beth, as far away from Leah as she can. 

What her or Leah has to be scared of she can’t understand but she doesn’t want to bring it up around Dan again, afraid of letting her know too much about their current sitaution and being on the end of a unfortunately sensible lecture. 

*********

It goes on for another two months before things change. 

Jordan’s lying in Leah’s bed, trying to match her breathing to the sleeping girl beside her. She knows she’ll have to get up soon and get dressed but she waits in the silence for just a little longer.

She closes her eyes and imagines turning around and pulling Leah close before she drifts off to sleep. Imagines waking up the next morning and creeping into the kitchen to make breakfast for the both of them before they lounge around and watch the highlights of that weeks matches. She imagines going out that night, maybe for a meal and holding Leah’s hand as they walk home. She imagines the team teasing them for overtaking Lisa and Viv in mushiness and not even caring because Leah would look over at her and send her that soft smile reserved just for her, the one that hits Jordan right in the chest and makes her heart skip a beat.

She opens her eyes and she remembers that sleeping with Leah causes more pain than relief and blinks rapidly to try and stop the tears she can sense are coming. 

Jordan sits up and starts looking around for her clothes because she can’t stand being in Leah’s room any longer. She’s just tying her laces when the bed moves a little under her and she turns to see Leah pushing herself up in the bed. They look at each other for just a second before Jordan turns back around again.

“I think we should stop this” she says, the calmness of her voice surprising herself

“Oh.” There’s a brief pause and then “Why? Is everything alright? Did you, eh did you meet someone?”

“Remember our rules? No questions asked”

“Yeah but -”

“See you at training Leah” she interrupts, standing up and walking out before Leah could say anything that would break her eerily calm facade. 

********

They go back to not talking.

Not about whatever arrangement they had or even about trivial things. They yell for the ball in training and games and they sit beside each other on the bus because they don’t want the girls to think there’s anything wrong but that’s about as far as their interactions go. 

They don’t talk and Jordan tries to pretend it doesn’t tear her apart.

********

Jordan’s called up for the SheBelieves Cup along with Leah and Beth and they fly to Orlando together. 

Training goes fine. She rooms with Lucy this time and they spend most time just hanging out in their own room or going out to explore the towns they stay in. Lucy sometimes disappears with Keira and Jordan tries to ignore the jealously she feels about her best friends relationship. When that happens she’s left alone which she’s really beginning to hate because it leads to thinking about Leah and that hurts in all sorts of ways but she doesn’t say anything. Lucy doesn’t get to see Keira much and she’s sure she’d be like that if she lived thousands of miles away from the girl she loved.

Instead she lives just minutes away but the distance seems unmeasurable at times.

********

Jordan’s trying her best to keep her eyes open but this team meeting’s been going on for the last hour and Phil’s words are starting to sound like nonsense in her mind. She sits up abruptly when she feels an elbow hit her stomach and throws Rachel an unamused look but at least it wakes her up a little.

“Alright, I know we’re all really excited for the tournament to start but before it does, we’ve decided to organize a scavenger hunt for you guys to do tonight!”

Most of the girls perk up at that, tired from two a day trainings and recovery evenings.

“Teams are as follows: Millie, Rachel, Steph and Ellen. Georgia, Ellie, Demi and Lucy Stan. Lucy, Keira, Leah and Jordan”

Jordan slumps back in her seat when she hears her team. Great. Time to awkwardly third wheel while she and Leah ignore each other. She looks around the team to find her team and sees Lucy and Keira with their heads bent together, whispering furiously and decides she doesn’t want to know what they’re talking about. She scans the rest of the room and her eyes land on Leah who’s already looking at her from her seat beside Beth. 

She nods once at her and tries not to think about how that’s the most direct contact they’ve had in weeks. 

The rest of the girls are moving around the room to find their team and grab a list of their tasks so Jordan stands up and strolls over to where Lucy is scanning through the list and making some kind of notes beside them. Jordan rolls her eyes at Lucy’s insane competitiveness but she’s used to it after years of friendship.

“Alright so Keira and I have come up with a plan. If we spilt up and each take half the tasks, then we’ll be finished way faster. So we’ll take the first six and you two can take the other six”

Jordan narrows her eyes at Lucy, figuring out what she’s up to but Leah’s already held her hands out for the list and she doesn’t want to make things awkward by objecting. 

Still, she’s going to kill Lucy after this.

********

They’ve been wandering around the hotel for the last twenty minutes looking for a fire extinguisher with no luck. 

“It’s got to be like a fire hazard that they have none, right?”

Leah just hums in response, still leading their way through the hall and Jordan sighs in frustration, fed up of this awkward silence they’ve found themselves in.

“Look Leah, I stopped things because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship but apparently it’s already ruined. Can’t we just go back to the way things were before?”

Leah doesn’t stop walking as Jordan talks and when she answers it’s unnervingly calm,

“Why did you think it would ruin our friendship?”

Jordan didn’t answer, unsure of what she could even say to that. Should she tell Leah about how continuing with it would kill her slowly from the inside every time she was around her? Tell her that she wanted all of Leah and not just for a few hours every other week.

“You couldn’t even look at me.” 

Leah stops abruptly, a few feet away from Jordan and her voice was so quiet Jordan almost missed it but she hardly misses anything Leah says. She isn’t even aware she’s holding her breath as she waits for her to continue, afraid the slightest sound would scare her.

“When you stopped it, you sounded so cold and distant and you couldn’t even look at me. I thought I had done something wrong” her voice slowly grew louder and Jordan instantly hears the shakiness that she tries to hide in her last sentence.

“No Lee, you didn’t do anything wrong”

“Then why did you stop it?”

Leah still hasn’t turned around and Jordan’s left looking at her back. She can’t believe this is how things are now. That her and Leah can’t even look at each other while having a proper conversation. It makes her snap.

“Because you went on a date!” 

Leah finally turns around and raises her eyebrow curiously but there’s a different, indechirable look in her eyes that Jordan’s never seen before. She sighs and drops her shoulders, her annoyance fading almost straight away. Now that she’s said it there’s no going back so she might as well say it all now.

“At first I thought I was jealous because it meant that I wasn’t good enough for you but then I figured maybe you just wanted something more romantic and then I got a different type of jealous. I got jealous because I wanted to be the one to bring you on dates and sleep over in the morning and leave hickies that the girls would tease us for but we wouldn’t even care because we would be happy” Jordan shrugs sadly “But I couldn’t say anything because I knew that all you wanted was sex. And it wasn’t just sex for me anymore”

Leah just stares at her for a minute, her expression not changing but she took a few steps forward and slipped her hand into Jordan’s.

“The date I went on...the guy was nice. He was sweet and funny but I couldn’t enjoy it”

Jordan doesn’t know why Leah’s telling her about this date when she’s after pouring her heart out but she figures it’s a build up to her rejection and tightens her grip on Leah’s hands, desperate to hold on to her for just a little bit longer while she still can.

“All I could think about was how you would’ve spilled your water three times before we’d even got our meal or how you would have laughed at a joke I made. I couldn’t even finish my food because I was so used to you picking at it after you finished your own.”

“Hey” Jordan protested weakly

“The guy was nice Jord but he wasn’t what I wanted. He wasn’t you”

Jordan’s been dreaming of this ever since this whole thing started. Been thinking of Leah saying those words and finally, finally having a chance at something with her. Now that she’s hearing them it doesn’t feel real.

Jordan just stares up at Leah with confusion clear on her face and it’s only when she feels Leah’s hands slipping out of her that she actually says something.

Or does something actually.

This kiss isn’t like any they’ve shared before. It’s not hurried or frustrated or tainted with the flavour of alcohol. Instead it was slow and calm, they take the time to actually enjoy it and when they finally pull apart, they’re not frantically pulling at each others clothes. Instead they press their foreheads together and focus on getting their breath back to normal. 

Jordan leans in again to quickly kiss Leah just because she can before she presses soft kisses all over her face, her heart warming at the sound of Leah’s giggles.

She’s standing in a random hallway somewhere in Orlando holding hands with girl she’s in love with and she’s never felt more like she’s belonged somewhere more than she does right now in this moment.

********

“We can’t let Lucy know that her plan worked or she’ll never let it go”

“So you want to pretend like we’re still not talking?”

“Just for another day?”

“I don’t know how I let myself fall for such an idiot”

********


End file.
